Why We Get Anxiety When We’re Around the People We Like

When you’re waiting in line at the coffee shop when it’s finally your turn at the register. After placing your order, you and the barista exchange a few words. The two of you chat about your days, compare your favorite drinks, and bring up the weather. Embarrassing yourself, you’re getting hot – they’re kind of cute! – and find yourself looking down, laughing, and tapping your fingers on the table. Oh, why am I this?

At one point or another, we’ve all been nervous around someone we find attractive. We can usually relate to our body’s response to certain situations, by seeing how the other person makes us feel. However, times like these make us question why we should lose control of our bodies. Is it so hard to be cool, calm and collected?

Linda Whiteside, MA, LCPC, of ​​New Wave Treatment Center in Los Angeles, describes panic habits as “automatic behaviors” in which people feel nervous or anxious. “While these steps relieve stress, she says, “they often become a reaction to distress.” That is, we may be aware of these behaviors without manifesting them in comfort.

Thankfully, with the right amount of understanding, we can approach these situations with confidence. Let’s take a closer look at why these feelings may appear.

The psychology of anxiety in romantic interest

So, when we’re around someone we like, we can’t quite make ourselves into a sweaty, tongue-tied, post-apocalyptic version of ourselves? This suggests that we have a built-in mechanism for dealing with the charged emotions that arise around a crush. “Physical reactions like blushing or blushing are the body’s way of releasing stress and adjusting to emotional intensity,” says Whiteside.

Aaron Gilbert, LCSW, founder of Boston Evening Therapy Associates, says that nervous habits themselves can cause more anxiety. “If we look at our neurotic habits, we can start to worry about how we’re coming across to the person we’re attracted to,” he says. “We wonder if they see what we’re doing, and can embarrass and upset the conversation that our panicky habits are getting out of hand.”

Common Signs of Romantic Interest

Nervous habits can take many forms – and vary from person to person, or even based on the intensity of the emotion. Here are some common ones.

Physical symptoms

• Fidgeting with objects or clothing
• Frequent touching of face or hair
• Sweating or blushing

Behavioral symptoms

Correct interpretation of nervous habits

So, how do we get ourselves off the mental rollercoaster of deciding whether we’re liking them because we like them… or because we’re just freaking out?

We can start by considering the context in which behavior occurs, such as setting and personality. Some environments can be overstimulating, which can trigger neural habits in people who have trouble processing sensory input (for example, people living with ADHD).

Dr. Dockery Quimby, clinical assistant professor of psychology and behavioral sciences at the University of Southern California, says personality traits — like introversion and extroversion — can also play a role. Introverts are also more susceptible to being overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments, which may make them more likely to display neurotic habits as a coping mechanism.

Other mental health conditions can also contribute to neurotic habits. People with generalized anxiety disorder may exhibit symptoms such as dizziness, sweating, and restlessness. These are manifestations of status and do not necessarily indicate romantic interest.

Gender and cultural differences in neurotic habits

Our gender and cultural identity influence the way we socialize, and can also inform us about our intentions and intentions. I 2015 research article Evaluation of emotions It has been found that, in Western cultures, women are socialized to be more emotionally expressive. Men are often taught to “bottle up” their emotions, which can make it difficult to gauge emotional states based on behavior alone.

Cultural factors can also influence whether panic is expressed or not. According to a 2016 study Emotionscultural values ​​and norms (ie, individualism and collectivism) influence how emotions are communicated, if not at all. The researchers found that emotional calmness is valued in China, while emotional expression is the norm in America

Moving on

OK, so we’ve observed this behavior and taken the time to consider the context. How do we proceed?

It all starts with understanding where it’s coming from. “If you see someone exhibiting panicky habits around you, the best first step is to empathize with them,” says Gilbert. “Chances are, you’ve felt the same way around someone else, and you’ll feel the same nervousness with them.”

We can then work on easing the situation. This will relieve some of the tension and promote relaxation, so we can engage in more authentic interactions. “One particularly brave approach that I really love is acknowledging your own nervousness first,” says Gilbert. This may look like saying, “I’m feeling really nervous right now!” Or, “I just noticed I’m curling my hair. That’s what I always do when I’m nervous!”

The result

Nervous habits can be… well, Nerve disorders. But with a little time and mindful observation, we can speculate whether or not they’re coming from a place of romantic interest.

It is important to be kind to yourself and others involved throughout the process. Nervous habits are part of the human condition, and we all experience them at some point. By normalizing them and making the other person feel safe, we can open ourselves up to more meaningful connections.