If we want to understand how to fall in love, we need to know what connection is.
We often think of love primarily as a feeling, rather than something we can construct. So when we look for advice on how to fall in love, we miss out on one of the primary pathways to lasting happiness: facilitating a sense of connection.
When we feel connected, we feel balanced. And when we feel balanced, we often feel happy. The problem is, as we grow up, we have to learn how to protect ourselves from vulnerability, so we build walls or put up armor that makes connections more difficult.
One of the most powerful (and challenging) practices is to look into another person’s eyes for long periods of time. It immediately! It makes us feel weak! It doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger or someone you’ve been in a partnership with for over 50 years (sometimes that makes it more difficult). But when we do, it’s interesting what happens.
Watch this short video from Soul Pancake to see the amazing results of connecting people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM-T3HCA618
One defining characteristic of empathy is the recognition of our common humanity.
Behind my eyes and behind your eyes have the same basic needs, to be cared for and understood, to feel yourself inside.
When we look into another’s eyes and see it, it can melt away the barrier and reveal the connection that has always been there. It is an essential element to uncover happiness.
Try this as an experiment for yourself:
Today, look into the eyes of the people you meet and see the person behind the eyes. What happens when you bring the mindset that this person is “like me?” This mindset understands that underneath it all, this person wants to do the same thing I do, to be cared for, understood, felt, accepted, connected, and happy. And all of these experiences are fundamental to our understanding of what sits at the heart of any true, lasting love. Be intentional about fostering genuine connection—with others, with others—is How to fall in love
Put your biases aside, test it out and see what you feel.
Let your experience be your guide.
Adapted from Mindfulness and psychotherapy
