How to Deal With an Avoidant Friend, According to Experts

Friendship comes in every way. Although some of our friends always want to see or talk to us, others may be less than contact. There is no “right” way to show in friendship, but the way we do it can say a lot about our attachment style,

Within friendship, people who have a survivor attaching style struggle with help and gain. However, these individuals still need close relationships with love, respect, trust and emotional proximity. It is important to understand the behavior of our friends so that we can take these relationships effectively and patiently. Let’s take a look at what to keep in mind.

Understanding the survivor behavior in friends

According to Teresha Sanders, LCSW, who owns fully therapy and fitness, the roots of our early experience are rooted. She says, “We learned that there was an effective way to be safe in an emotional threatening situation with our early careers.”

People who develop an adult -related style because adults have to face unsafe relationships with basic personalities in their lives. Vehition may be shown in various ways: “Visual death, neglect, neglect, incarnation in care, or severe criticism of caregivers, says the insecurity, says LMFT, LMFT, Founder and owner of psychotherapy, said. These initial experiments teach the individual that they cannot rely on others or trust them, causing them to become hypertensive.

So, how does the style of a dietary person appear within friendship? “The survivors can have a difficult time to meet the emotional needs of others, when someone comes very close, and less interest in achieving friendship,” says Marsol Arutia, who runs private practice in New York City. A rescue person sees the dependence on others as a weakness and can avoid weakening.

Avoiding friends can also appear like this:

• Don’t want to be more deep: A devastating friend will find it difficult to open about their deep emotions, personal problems, or feelings about things. They can change this topic or set a strict limit on more intimate subjects. They can even slip with humor.
• Often cancel plans: There will be a lot of more likely to cancel the plans for a pious friend, often in the last minute. Because of this, they come out as a flicker and you can feel that you are not a priority in their life.
• To be off the dispute: Disagreements are sometimes obliged to be in healthy friendship, but a person who abstains will do everything possible to avoid a dispute. If there is a dispute, they will do everything possible to avoid resolving the issue. They can give you “silent behavior” because they feel very overwhelmed by an emotional confrontation.
• Avoid commitment: The idea of ​​being a “lock” or obligatory friend of a devout friend can trigger their discomfort with emotional attachment or dependence. Thus, they can resist long -term plans or promises, whether it be for an event, a journey, or with the future.

Self -reflection and awareness

Taking time to look inside can help us decide how to deal with a friend. We can start considering our attachment style. “Avoiding trends can increase the trends in other unsafe -linked people,” says Arvortia. As in all relationships, it is important to note why you are friends with someone. Ideally, your friends make you feel positive and comfortable. ”

If we are facing more problems around someone’s survivor, we are interested in the behavior that can eliminate this feeling. Aurotia says that this behavior can only be their way to work in a relationship, and it has nothing to do with how we feel about us.

She says, “If your friendship starts to interfere with your friendship,” she says, “You have to address your friend (ideally, constructively and friendly), or you have to guess whether it’s really good friendship for you.”

Strategies to deal with a pious friend

Patience, sympathy (for yourself and others), and open communication, people with healthy friendship are possible. While visiting these relationships, there are some things to keep in mind.

Things to consider

Avoiding friends can show our friends differently with different attachment styles, but it is not necessary to identify the cause of concern. Often, they can look more distant and separate within friendship.

Like everyone, friends who avoid closeness and closeness also need closeness, though their expression may be less likely, and Orotia reminds us. If we feel like arriving, we should take the initiative to do so. “Another thing to remember is that the difference between the time difference between the catching a friend can be more tolerant of the time difference,” says Rutia, which can help to slow down friendship slowly. “

Like any relationship, communication is key. Sanders recommend “checking the temperature of friendship at all times and then. “It can be included what is going well, what you admire about each other, with any distress that is wandering, and something else that feels helpful.” These checks can strengthen our friendship and help a person avoiding a healthy, open conversation practice in a safe setting.

To avoid things

Bogadanovich reminds us of avoiding some important things, as they can maintain a avoiding behavior.

• Press your friend with crime or intense emotions (“You don’t care about me” or “I can’t live without you”)
• To utterly demand their time and energy
• Use of absolutes (“we never wander” or “you never call me”)))
• To determine the unrealistic expectations of another person
• To try too much, at a location where the dynamic imbalance feels

Elise Andrews, who operates lifestyle blogs, lives in a pious style. She emphasizes the importance of not taking things personally, such as a sign of not translating emotional distances or being a good friend.

She says, “Taking things personally will only harm friendship, and even friendship can end.” “Try to understand that it’s not personal. We’re just trying to save ourselves as we know how!” Andrews says.

Build a supporting network

When you fight a friend, other friendships and help are essential. Bogadanovich says “our support system must diversify so we don’t rely too much on one person.” We can reach other friends and family members, and may be involved in a class or hobby -based activity to expand our circle.

Sanders says mutual friends can be related to our experience, as they also take care of a friendly friend and understand the challenges that can take such dynamic, which can be verified. However, she reminds us, “Don’t try to use to complain about each other (friends), because it can be harmful.”

To focus on personal development

After all, we can control only one person: ourselves. Ensure that our own needs are met with all our relationships can help us better. Working on our personal development should always be important. There are some ways to do this:

• Take enough sleep every night
• Find a pleasant form of exercise and keep it permanently on
• Softened techniques (breathing, meditation) I engage in
• Journalize your feelings and focus on repeatedly walking patterns
• Eat a balanced diet
• Trust in any dear
• Talk to a physician

Keep in mind

Every friend of ours will be unique and we will need effort to keep alive. Friendship with people associated with rescue can be nurtured, supported and fulfilled. With a lot of self -awareness, patience and commitment to our personal development, we can take them effectively.