Explore this mindfulness practice to develop forgiveness and let go of the tendency to increase suffering during challenging situations.
Two monks are walking on the road. They arrive at a muddy stream crossing, and a well-dressed woman announces without introduction, “Don’t just stand there. Somebody get me into this mess.”“
Without pause, the old monk takes her across. She doesn’t say anything, not even thank you.
Both monks walk all day. All the while, he has little Stew on his mind.How could he pick it up? We don’t need to touch women, or talk to them. And she was so rude, someone should say something to her, she didn’t deserve our help.
Finally, as they arrive for dinner, he can’t hold himself back. “What were you thinking?” he asks his friend. “She was dirty, and you broke the rules, and she didn’t even say thank you.”
The old monk smiles gently and replies. “Wow, I put that woman down hours ago, but you’re taking her right now!”
Why do we hold anger and resentment?
So what does this mean in real life? We make mistakes. Other people make mistakes. We work with others. Other people work with us. There is an actual experience that may be minor or painful. We add to the suffering with judgment, anger, and accusations. This is sometimes referred to as adding a second arrow after hitting another arrow first. Something unpleasant happens, but then we add more to the experience.
With apologies, we edit as needed but leave out the extra stuff. We give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt that we offer a close friend.
Forgiveness is not the same as excusing yourself or someone else for wrongdoing. But we easily hold ourselves infinitely responsible, often for our own experiences or decades past. With apologies, we edit as needed but leave out the extra stuff. We give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt that we offer a close friend.
On the other hand, we sometimes allow someone else to influence our lives for a long time after going through a similar pattern. Another driver cuts us off in traffic, endangers us, and then speeds off. The driver arrives at brunch and relaxes, but We Make your coffee break bitter abode in our own anger. It’s a concept that holds even in larger situations. Anger and resentment simmer and fester, while a commitment to compassion allows us to address what needs to be addressed without throwing extra arrows.
Forgiveness meditation to release excess suffering
- Find yourself a comfortable postureor lie on the floor for a moment, or bring to bed.
- Bring your attention to the physical sensation of breathingwhatever is drawing your attention, or whatever you are feeling now, and without judgment, bringing your attention to the rising and falling of your breath.
- Picture something that comes to mind and decide for yourself. You may feel regret, or irritation, or sadness. Notice how it feels to even think about it. Then focus on these three sentences, don’t force anything but set the intention: I apologize for understanding. I forgive myself for making mistakes. I forgive myself for causing pain and suffering to myself and others.
- Bring your attention back and repeat the sentences. Using these phrases as a focus for your attention for a few moments instead of the breath. This type of exercise can be very painful. At any time, without judging yourself, come back and focus on the breath. Give yourself permission to resolve and return when you’re ready, now or perhaps some time in the future.
- Our brains naturally hold on to instances where we feel mistreated by others. There may be experiences that are completely wrong or painful or that require our attention or action concretely. At the same time, we can practice avoiding other arrows. I forgive you for understanding. I forgive you for making mistakes. I forgive you for causing pain and suffering to you and others. Letting go of resentment and judgment and the tendency to include everything related to challenging and unpleasant situations. Again, if this is too much to contemplate, go back to the breathing, or if you prefer, focus on compassion for yourself instead.
- Procedures of this nature can be quite difficultso in these last few moments, on each breath, notice and accept whatever you feel right now. On each breath, as you would for a close friend, offer yourself comfort, freedom, or strength, or whatever comes to mind first.
Ignorance means inaction or not taking action. This does not mean standing up when we need to protect ourselves or someone else from harm. What needs to be done – This may mean taking a break, settling the mind, and trying to see things as clearly as possible before taking skillful action. Practice forgiveness over and over again, letting go of whatever is holding you back.
