How to Deal With Rejection: Types, Coping Tips

Rejection occurs when we seek a connection and the object of that connection rejects us. We all experience rejection at various points in our lives. There are different forms of rejection, such as rejection for a job, rejection for a date, or a friend or romantic partner ending the relationship.

How rejection is received (and interpreted) can affect how we feel. Sometimes, rejection is harsh, and the rejecter can be rude or cruel in their reprimands. Other times, they may let us down gently, and we still experience strong emotional reactions to the rejection.

Below, learn about the types of rejection and how to deal with rejection in a healthy way.

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Why Rejection Hurts So Much

Emotional pain can be intense. It doesn’t just hurt mentally. It can sometimes manifest physically. Research has found that the psychological pain network overlaps somewhat with brain regions involved in physical pain. In other words, we can literally feel rejection as physical pain.

We often engage in cognitive distortions

Sometimes we encounter specific reactions as universal reactions. For example, if someone doesn’t get a job they really wanted, they may feel rejected and feel like they’re not qualified for any job in their field, rather than because the position just isn’t a good fit.

Rejection of sensitive dysphoria

Some people, especially autistic people or people with ADHD, experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). Although RSD is not an official diagnostic term, it manifests as strong and intense emotional pain in response to real or perceived rejection. This can be difficult to deal with and often leads to strong emotional reactions.

If you have a history of childhood trauma, you may be more sensitive to rejection because it can trigger memories of abuse and neglect.

Additionally, just as different people have different levels of tolerance for physical pain, some experience emotional pain more intensely than others.

Types of rejection

Rejection comes in many settings and forms. While all types hurt, you may react more strongly to some types of rejection than others.

Relationship and dating rejection

When you think of rejection, romantic relationships may be the first thing that comes to mind. The truth is that rejection can occur at various stages during the dating process.

Some examples of relationship rejection are:

• Rejection from a stranger: If you ask a stranger on a date and they say no, this is a form of rejection. It can be annoying, but you can go with the experience because they don’t know you well and might not be interested.
• Rejection from someone after a few dates: Someone may agree to a date and then either refuse to continue seeing you or ghost you after a few dates. This leads to more stinging than the initial rejection. They get to know you better before they decide they don’t want to see you anymore, which can hurt.
• Rejection from a long-term partner: A more significant rejection occurs when you and your partner are in a committed, long-term relationship, and they decide to end it. Sometimes, a relationship ends, and both parties see it coming. Other times, a person is blindsided by a breakup. Regardless, breakups are stressful and difficult for everyone involved.

Social rejection

Not all relationships are romantic. For many people, social rejection can be more significant and often painful than romantic rejection.

Some examples of social rejection are:

• When someone doesn’t want to be your friend: Being “dumped” by a friend can be incredibly painful. Sometimes friendships end due to circumstances, and you may gradually lose touch, but other times, friends also face conflict and end the friendship abruptly.
• Not being invited to any event or party: If you find out that some of your friends are planning to get together for a gathering and you’re not invited for some reason (maybe it’s a couples-only event and you’re single), you might feel rejected.
• Some people still reject people who have neurodivergent/mental health conditions: Autistic individuals often face social rejection if they are unable to mask and conform to neurotypical communication styles and behavioral norms. This can leave the autistic person confused if they don’t understand what they did “wrong” or why the friend ended the relationship.

Professional rejection

Can also be rejected in a professional setting. It might be getting approved for a promotion, turned down for a job, or receiving critical feedback from a colleague.

Here are some examples:

• Not getting accepted in any college of your choice: If you have your heart set on the college of your choice and you receive a rejection letter, you may question your intelligence and your abilities.
• Job offer not received: It can really hurt if you get rejected for a job, and you might feel like you’re not good enough for another job.
• Not getting promotion: You were hoping for a promotion, and you must have worked hard and felt that you deserved career success. When you’re denied a promotion, it’s normal to feel disappointed or angry that it didn’t work out.

How can I reject the past?

Emotions don’t have a fixed timeline, so you may feel upset or hurt by rejection for a while. Although unpleasant, it’s okay! Here are some healthy and unhealthy ways to cope and grow from rejection.

Healthy ways to deal with rejection

• Let go of responsibility. Sometimes rejection is our fault, but rumination on blame can get in the way of moving forward.
• Look for growth opportunities. Even if the rejection was due to a mistake, you can take the opportunity to learn from it and change how you approach similar situations in the future.
• I am busy Take care of yourself. It can be easy to get “stuck” in feelings of rejection, especially if you deal with rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Be gentle with yourself, and use coping skills that help you take care of yourself.
• Feel your emotions. There is a demand to feel emotions. They may be tempted to bottle up unpleasant emotions in order to move on quickly, but this can cause them to come back with more intensity later. It’s okay to respect your feelings.
• List your achievements. Remember that rejection is situation-specific, even if it feels bigger than it is. It can help to remind yourself of times when you were successful.

Unhealthy ways of dealing with rejection

• Don’t take it personally. Again, rejection in a single situation is not an indication of your overall worth. Remember that this is specific and situational, and has nothing to do with you.
• Don’t compare yourself to others. Rejection can sting even more when we see someone else succeed where we feel we fall short. We’re all on our own journey, and it’s okay if your story looks different than someone else’s.
• Don’t minimize your feelings. Rejection is painful. You may be tempted to tone down your emotional reactions if you feel like others have it worse, but your feelings are still valid and deserve to be felt.
• Don’t give up. You can thrive in the past and be successful in the future!

How can I deal with the fear of rejection?

As you go through life, you will inevitably face rejection. Realize that you can overcome these painful feelings and move on. Remember that you are not alone, and your experience is valid. Rejection takes vulnerability and courage to keep trying, and when you keep moving forward you can be somewhere amazing.