How to Increase Your Social Intelligence

People with social intelligence can understand how other people feel, what to say in social situations, and feel confident, even in a large crowd. You might think of these folks as having “people skills,” but what they really have is social intelligence.

The theory of social intelligence was first brought to the fore in the 1920s by the American psychologist Edward Thorndike.He defined it as, “the ability to understand and manage men and women and boys and girls, to act wisely in human relations.” No one is born socially intelligent. Instead, it involves a set of skills that an individual learns over time.

Signs of social intelligence

People who are socially intelligent display basic traits that help them communicate and connect with others.

• Effective listening: A person with social intelligence doesn’t just listen to respond, but really pays attention to what someone is saying. Other people in the conversation feel like they are understood and have made a connection.
• Conversation Skills: Have you ever seen someone “work the room”? They have communication skills that enable them to hold a conversation with virtually anyone. They are tactful, appropriate, humorous, and sincere in these conversations, and they recall details about people that allow the conversation to be more meaningful.
• Reputation Management: Socially intelligent people consider the impression they make on other people. Considered one of the most complex elements of social intelligence, managing reputation requires a careful balance.
• Lack of discussion: Someone with social intelligence understands that arguing or proving a point by making another person feel bad is not the way to go. They don’t reject another person’s ideas outright, but rather listen to them with an open mind – even when they don’t think they personally agree with them.

How to develop social intelligence

While some people seem to develop social intelligence without really trying, others have to work to develop it. Fortunately, some strategies can help a person develop social skills. These strategies can help you develop social intelligence:

• Pay close attention to what (and who) is around you. Socially intelligent people observe and pay attention to subtle social cues from those around them.If you think someone in your life has strong people skills, look at how they interact with others.
• Work on increasing your emotional intelligence. Similar to social intelligence though, emotional intelligence is more about how you control your emotions and how you empathize with others. Recognizing an emotion when you’re experiencing it – which will help you recognize those emotions in others – and manage them appropriately. An emotionally intelligent person can recognize and control negative emotions, such as frustration or anger, when in a social setting.
• Respect cultural differences. Even more, look for cultural differences so you can understand them. While most people learn people skills from their family, friends, and the community around them, a socially intelligent person understands that others may have different reactions and customs based on their upbringing.
• Practice active listening. Develop your social intelligence by working on your communication skills – which requires active listening.Do not interfere. Take time to think about what the other person is saying before you respond. Listen for inflections in what others say, which can give you clues as to what they really mean.
• Appreciate the important people in your life. Socially intelligent people have deep relationships with people who are meaningful to them. Pay attention to the feelings of your spouse and children, friends, coworkers, and other associates. If you ignore the people close to your life, you’re missing clues about how to connect with them.