My Partner Isn’t the Same Person I Fell in Love With—What It Means and How to Cope

I have married my partner for 23 years, and we have been a couple even more. We met in high school, when we were both 14 years old (yes, mainly baby!). It is enough to say, when we first met, we were certainly not the same people. And this is a good thing. It would be surprising that if we were not changed and ready in all these years. But beyond, the fact is that my husband is not the same person I love has made our relationship so deep and satisfying.

Nevertheless, realizing that your partner is different from how they used to be, especially if the feeling feels as if it does not come from anywhere. In addition, there are certain types of changes that many people find is less desirable, and these can be a breaking on the relationship agreement.

Certainly, the topic of “my partner is not the same person I love” can be complicated and important. That is why I found out with two licensed physicians that if you realize that your partner has changed, what to do. How do you act on it? What can you do if this change feels trouble? We will answer these questions.

Why could it be

There are many reasons why no one can be the same person you love, and this is not just because over time they have become increasing and solid.

“It is quite common to feel like your partner – or even you have grown into different versions of your own,” says Elvisa PeterSil, LCSW, and CEO and founder of Mai Welbing. “Like individuals, relationships are developed.”

Some factors that may affect these changes include:

• To enter a new phase of life
• Aging
• Personal growth or development
• Financial states
• To take care of old parents
• Changes to the carrier
• Changes in family dynamics (such as having children, changes with increased family)
• Grief
• Happiness
• The challenges of life or the changing events of life

How do stress relationships affect the relationship

In addition, some stress – such as parents, financial pressure, disease, or trauma – cannot affect how quickly these changes occur and the depth of changes. “Sometimes, which once binding us with us – shared goals, routines or roles – will not align with such aspects.”

“It is important to keep in mind that the feeling of disconnecting is not necessary to have something ‘wrong,” says PeterSil. Instead, these factors may be a sign that this relationship is “inviting deep reflection, adaptation and communication,” PeterSil said.

When there are life pressure, our nervous system turns into a safety mode, says Cheril Groskov, a physician based in Los Angeles, LPCC, who specializes in anxiety, trauma and attachment. She says, “Some people are shut down, others get more anxious or strive to maintain the connection.” “If the two people are doing this in different ways, they can start to feel emotionally far away.”

This does not mean that your partner doesn’t care or is not thinking about you. It is just that both of you are trying to feel safe, but in different ways. Groskov states, “If anyone does not talk about it or what is happening, the distance increases.” “This is actually very common and it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong in the relationship. This simply means that the connection needs to be repaired and upset.”

If partners do not understand how and why it is important to talk about their different reactions about the pressure situation, it can lead to misunderstandings or lack of communication. This can create or extend the emotional distance between them.

To indicate basic issues

Identifying and considering the changes you are seeing in your partners is the key to understanding what is happening in your relationship and detecting your next steps.

Often, the changes you see can be a sign of natural development and evolution. Considering the changes of our partner can increase understanding and communication. Peter says that when possible, you and your partner are great in learning and celebrating the growing methods. But it is also important to consider whether these changes in your partner and your relationships work for you and meet your emotional needs.

“The key is that the key is to consider, understand, understand, and discuss how you are affecting your needs individually and as a couple, to ensure that both your needs are met, even when you agree with both and especially when you agree.”

“Sometimes people change small things – such as hobbies or routines – and it’s completely normal,” says Groskov. “But if someone starts working in ways that feel unpleasant (such as cold, away, reacts, or emotionally examined), this is a deep change.” Sometimes this change can lead to relationships, conflicts or unnecessary needs, or values, or personal changes in the needs, or personal changes in the needs.

Whatever the case, it is important to take note of the deep change, especially if it makes you unhappy or painful. “The purpose is not guilty, it is to know what is happening in reality … and work with it,” says Groskov.

Talking to your partner

Whether the change in your partners feels positive or less positive for you, talking about how you feel and what you are seeing is important.

Some points of communication from Petersel are these:

• Keep, and try to avoid charges.
• Consider the open statements, like: “I have noticed that we have done more than ___ recently. Have you noticed? I am interested in what’s going on there. Can you help me understand?”
• Try to say how you feel without labeling your partner. For example: “I’ve been feeling too far away, and I remember how we were connected. I would like to ___ to feel more connected than you. What do you think about it?”
• Exercise active listening.
• Give your partner to their point of view.
• Try to understand before jumping to fix your partner.
• Be patient with yourself and your partner. Change takes time to take action.
• Remember that understanding these changes is often on many conversations.

Re -living the connection

Once you understand what is happening in your partner and your relationship, you want to resurrect the spark and love them again to know this new version of your partner.

Petersel’s tips to resurrect this spark are these:

• Small, deliberately engage in activities such as sharing daily sugar practice to stabilize contacts.
• Reconstruction of shared rituals, such as night nights, check -in conversations, or a couple, you want to do, such as cooking or longing.
• Be clear about your desire to re -connect, and keep sharing your emotions openly.

When it may be time to move forward

For many of us, change in our partners can be something we can grow to understand and embrace. But sometimes change is not something that we can make peace or reconcile.

“If you are permanently restless, silent yourself, or raising your price in a relationship, this is not progress – Groscope explained, this is not progress – this is not your nervous system you are doing anything right.” “Real growth can be difficult, but it still makes a place for mutual respect, emotional safety and repair. You just don’t have to say pain to maintain peace.”

According to PeterSil, other symptoms that can indicate that relationships will not cope with changes in your partner.

• A permanent feeling of emotional distance or lack of contact
• Insult
• Regardless of the real efforts for repair
• If you and your partner’s basic values ​​or views for life are significantly removed

Other changes may include:

• Resistance to Change: One or both partners reject or reject the developing identity of the other
• Repeated conflicts without resolution, especially about values ​​and lifestyle differences.
• Loss of shared targets or vision
• Evacuation or attempt to maintain proximity, contact and emotional support
• Lack of trust in each other is a reflection of less confidence so as to grow together or be emotionally safe during the transition
• Emotional cut off that results in lack of open communication
• The behavior that feels unsafe

When to get professional assistance

Keep in mind that sometimes the changes you are seeing in your partner, or that your partner is watching in you cannot be taken out. And it’s fine: We all need a little extra help from time to time.

“Working with a physician,” can be incredibly helpful in working with a physician, especially what is changing and the effects that are happening, and the brain storms and practicing that you and your partner want to communicate with the unique dynamics, “says PeterSil.

When Petersel suggests a professional assistance when:

• Communications get stuck
• Angry is being created
• You are not sure how to move forward

Embrace change and growth

Change is difficult, but it is bound to be in any long -term relationship. The best thing you can do is to try to embrace change. “Change does not need to be frightened – it can be an opportunity to love himself and his partner’s new parts,” says Peterl.

It is being said, sometimes these changes can be difficult to visit. This is the place where open and honest communication is key. And do not hesitate to reach professional support if you and your partner are kept, or just need some extra help to navigate these changes.