Many people fail in leadership positions despite outstanding individual performance. Daniel Goleman explains that they often miss two important mindsets, which the best leaders find critical to the task at hand.
One CEO candidate told me he felt ready to take over an organization — his first post at the top. In the end, the trainer tells him that he is the best leader… possibly. This left the candidate wondering: What are the characteristics of the best leaders? And are they who we assume they are?
Of course he had never led a company before, and thus had no track record. But it destroyed self-confidence. Was it enough?
The CEO candidate came to mind recently when I heard a new rap song that contains two refrains:
What about me?
What will make me happy? What do I want to do? where am i going
Surely these are the kinds of thoughts that guide us through our days. Research at Harvard shows that we spend an average of half our time lost in thoughts about ourselves, how our relationships are going, and the like while we’re working, while we’re working, and while we’re staring at a video screen (like you’re probably doing right now).
What’s going on in the brain and why it matters
The brain circuitry for these ME-Theouts is in the mid-section of the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center, just behind the forehead. Sometimes called the “brain’s wandering circuit,” this area appears to act as the brain’s default mode. While we’re actively focused on something—say, a work project—this default mode is silent. But the moment we lose focus, it turns on, pulling our thoughts away from work and back to our ME-concerns.
This is why staying focused takes active effort. The good news: It can be enhanced with systematic training. And in today’s hyper-distracted life, the ability to focus at will and stay that way is valued more and more.
The brain’s ability to pay attention uses prefrontal circuits that also help us manage our emotions and develop positive attitudes and goals.
That “about you” needs to use different circuitry in the brain. Promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, they need to master social awareness and relationship management.
These two mental stances—about me, about you—each represent the activity of very different parts of our brain’s wiring, and full emotional intelligence requires that we use both. The first two parts of emotional intelligence—self-awareness and self-management—are “about me.” A high-performing leader must first lead himself.
But then there are the needs of each and the entire organization. That “about you” needs to use different circuitry in the brain. Promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, they need to master social awareness and relationship management.
Another refrain from this rap song.What about you?is better than to. In other words, I’m making you feel, think and need. This is the need for leadership. And I failed to hear from its CEO. He did not say anything about his vision for the organization, his ideas for the latest strategies, nor how it is doing in its competitive ecosystem and how he can help it do better. There was no “about you” in his thinking.
Our “about you” circuits are found in the social brain. They come in distinct flavors: one circuit guides our understanding of another person’s thoughts; Other circuits look at their emotions. And yet another set of circuits determines whether we want to help that person.
And those who excel as individual actors but fail in leadership are often at a loss here. Highly effective leaders have all three going for them.
