Let’s face it: things feel incredibly difficult right now. Of course. , there are always difficulties and challenges, but especially at this time, I find myself heartbroken, overwhelmed and angry. Maybe you can relate?
Maybe like you, I’m at a loss for what to do to relieve the pain around me right now. There is heartbreak, struggle, anger, fear and despair in our homes, communities and on the news and social media. Although there are things we can do and actions we can take, most of this suffering is beyond our control.
Self-compassion also works for collective pain
When it starts to feel like too much to bear, I find myself wondering how to live with it all. How to live with the difficulties, pain, suffering inherent in life. In my experience and work, I have found that one of the most helpful ways to navigate these challenges is through self-compassion.
Of course, self-compassion is a powerful ally when we are Personally Experiencing a difficulty. But self-compassion is also a powerful internal resource that we can draw upon in response to the suffering of others. Even if it’s someone we don’t know, our hearts are touched when others are struggling. This is why it is important to start with ourselves so that we can respond from a place of love and care rather than fear, frustration, disappointment or anger.
So, what is self-compassion? Imagine if a dear friend was struggling with something, and then consider how you would respond to them. Now, gently turn that care, warmth and kindness towards you. This is self-compassion.
In research, self-compassion has been shown to have many benefits, including increased resilience and optimism, as well as reduced anxiety and depression. It helps us to bear both our own and others’ suffering with tenderness and warmth. The ability to offer self-compassion helps alleviate the emotional distress that can accompany empathic responses.
Although self-compassion doesn’t necessarily fix the problem, it does does Invite deep calm and clarity as we approach it, because we make wise choices when we care. Taking care of ourselves, especially when things are difficult, increases our ability to navigate those difficulties and is a skill we can learn and access easily.
Exercises You Can Try Today
These methods work to strengthen our awareness and compassion, helping us to avoid either extremes of overwhelm or apathy.
One for me and one for you:
Based on the giving and receiving compassion practice from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, the “one for me and one for you” practice can be very helpful when we are overwhelmed by the suffering of others. With a little repetition, it can be accessible even in the moment when facing someone who is struggling.
Think of someone, even a group of people, that you know is suffering. This could be someone you know personally or hear about on the news. Now, check for yourself and see what will help best you In living with their struggles as much as possible. This could be, for example, patience, calmness, strength or acceptance. Bring your attention to your breath and consciously allow yourself to inhale and exhale slowly.
After a few cycles, and if it feels right for you, here’s what you can consider He Most of the need – they may have voiced this need as well. It may be what you need or something different. Keep breathing what you need and offer them what they need. You can even skip specific words and simply say to yourself, “One for me, and one for you,” as you continue to focus on your breath.
Kind Touch:
Offering yourself gentleness and gentle touch is the easiest way to access self-compassion. Try placing your hand over your heart, holding your own hand, gently touching your cheek, or rubbing your arms gently. Although it may seem strange at first, research shows the benefits of this practice. Just as we can reach out to hug a friend or gently touch the arm of someone in need, we can offer ourselves that loving, caring touch. Such contact releases chemicals that support comfort, care and connection, sending a message to our body that we are safe and cared for in the moment.
Of course… honey practice:
This phrase integrates three aspects of self-compassion. When you’re struggling with something, you might say to yourself, “Sure. It’s hard, honey,” or “Sure, you’re scared, honey,” or “Sure you feel sad, angry, overwhelmed…), honey.” Saying the words “of course” as part of this sentence acknowledges our shared humanity, that anyone in our situation can feel this way. Feeling this way is just part of being human. Naming the emotion is the mental aspect of this sentence, and using the term ‘honey’ (or another term of honor) is an expression of self-compassion. I use this phrase often, usually with my hand on my heart, and I find it invaluable, especially when reacting strongly. Gets caught up in a moment.
Start where you are, and go from there
If you’re feeling heartbreak, fear, anger, or anything else in response to the depth and breadth of suffering in the world (or in your own life), start where you are. Before responding to the world, take a moment to care for your own heart and mind, which desperately needs our loving presence.
