Why It Happens and How to Cope

Defection is a defensive procedure where a person changes the charge or attention to avoid uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, pain, crime, criticism, or discomfort. Instead of accepting responsibility, they focus on someone or something else.

For example, the child trapped in the fighting says, “She has started it,” or a colleague can accuse the Internet for a poor internet connection to change her report late. Or this may happen when your partner responds to your concerns and suggests that you are “very sensitive”.

Common examples of discharge in everyday life

Anyone who defects can choose to accuse you, or other factors. Licensed clinical psychologists, Amy Daramus, PSYD, share some examples of defective behavior below.

Blame to return to you

If you confront the person you have done about something, they will end them by identifying your flaws instead of taking responsibility for your own. It changes the attention of the conversation and allows them to turn away from the hook.

Some examples include:

• “Why are you making such a big deal with it? Stop being dramatic.”
• “Why are you getting so worried about it? Don’t be so fast. Learn how to cool the winter.”
• “Why are you fighting me about it? That means you are hurting my emotions.”
• “You always know that I’m like that. Why can’t you accept me who I am?”
• “What will happen when you did X? I didn’t go crazy for you.”
• “I had to do y because you did x, so it’s really your fault.”
• “I didn’t tell you about it because you are always abused.”

To accuse other factors

On the other hand, the person can choose to accuse other factors, though they were really mistaken.

Some examples include:

• “I couldn’t help him, I was late due to traffic/rain.”
• “I could not change my report before the deadline because the Internet was not working.”
• “I failed to test this test because my teachers were bad.”

Why people protect themselves. Become defective

People are notorious because they don’t want to feel bad about themselves or look bad in front of others. They do not want people to think that they have made a mistake or in any way. They want to like and look at it. They don’t want to admit – even themselves – that they would have done something wrong.

When someone makes a mistake, the task is to accept it, accept responsibility, and take steps to correct it.

Nevertheless, most of us remove once in a while, but often it is not healthy to do it as a habit, says Dr. Daramus.

When the Deflecting Line can cross

If someone often turns, Dr. Daramas says this can be a pattern of behavior that is synonymous with:

• Gas Lighting: Defect gas can be a form of lighting, as it tries to distort the truth.
• Misuse of narcissismSamromes can also be a form of abuse with misconduct. A person suffering from narcissism can be as perfect as possible, including criticizing others who give them negative feedback.
• Emotional abuse: With emotional abuse, notoriety can run in both ways. Instead of experiencing criticism, abuse can use defects to attack the victims. However, victims can also resort to deviation to avoid abuse.

How can you tell if you are turning?

According to Dr. Daramus, these are some signs that someone is turning:

• To make an excuse for their shortcomings
• Refusing to accept responsibility for their actions
• Don’t apologize on your mistakes
• In response to being called, calling you for something
• Accepting them, making flaws and accepting all of you, whether it affects you

What to do about it

Dr. Daramas recommends some strategies that can help you deal with someone that is wrong:

• Be focused on this issue: When they try to bend, send back to the current issue. Don’t let the conversation get faster.
• Don’t be able to respond to the charges: Defiction can be difficult to recognize immediately. Instead of recognizing yourself, you can see that the person is turning. If you need time, take a few minutes to think before answering.
• Don’t let them become about your reaction: Think about your reaction and be careful about how you react, so you do not give them a chance to give them a chance to react to your behavior.
• Share your feelings: Tell them how their behavior is affecting you. Instead of “you” statements, “I use …” statements, which will make them more defensive. So instead of saying, “Don’t pay attention to what you are saying,” says, “I enjoy talking to you about my day, and when you are not interested, I get hurt.”
• Pay attention to the solution: Instead of focusing on where they assign the accusations, focus on working together to find a solution. Let’s say that your roommate ate the left without asking. They are disagreed by pointing out that you have given them your food first. You tell them that you have no other food in the house. Right now, this may mean that they share some of them or give you some orders, and in the long run, it may mean that everyone labels their food.